AcidicPlague

Book

2009-10-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

I set out on a quest to write a collection of funny and witty little things I've said or thought. It instead became a cynical manifesto. The working title is 'It's OK to lie to children."

WIP

2009-08-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

“Something is wrong with reality. There is some kind of flaw in the universal laws that dictate what can and cannot happen. But I can’t prove it because I’m not a physicist. There are moments of perfect clarity when everything seems to make sense. Brief pockets where for fleeting microseconds everything is connected and I know what is going to happen next. All the words, thoughts, ideas, physical bodies, matter and matter beyond matter, all has some place in some kind of giant jigsaw puzzle!”

“Did you watch the Matrix again?” Meredith questions cautiously.

Aaron lifts his arms slightly, “It’s a coincidence that there is no such thing as coincidences! Or is it? Time is an illusion, a human construct to explain the passage of objects from one state to another. Our perception is wrong somehow. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Or maybe Watchmen, are you on another Manhattan binge?” The young woman seems oblivious to the mind shattering truths the scruffy Aaron seems to be sharing. As though completely unaware of how it could change EVERYTHING! Or at least Aaron thinks so. “Never do drugs.”

He just stands there with his hands out to his sides. Aaron scratches the thick scruff on his chin before collapsing onto the sofa next to where Meredith sits. “I mean, it’s just weird. So many things happen that don’t make sense. Brief and minor miracles against astronomical odds. It’s just a feeling.”

“Definitely a Manhattan binge.” She says in a sort of confirming tone.

“No.” Aaron scolds. “..I haven’t seen Watchmen recently. Crazy things happen! Bizarre coincidences that logic and reason can’t explain!”

Meredith scowls, “You said that when a youtube video mistakenly played while you were listening to a song and didn’t realize it because it was such a perfect fit. You went on for weeks about how it was magical.”

“IT WAS!” Aaron says defensively. “What really makes it strange was that I wasn’t able to reproduce it. How do you explain that?”

“It was a song you listened to all the time.”

“So?”

Meredith looks cross as all get out. She turns on the sofa slightly shifting one of her knees to get more comfortable. Stylish black rimmed glasses slip to the tip of her nose as her green eyes face Aaron. “So? You’re used to hearing it. You unconsciously blocked out anything extraneous until you finally noticed it. What you thought sounded good was probably lousy, but you had no idea.”

“Oh yeah? What about my déjà vu, I get that all the time. And I always seem to know things. Left or right, I always make the right choice!” He’s on the full defensive now. “You can’t explain them all away with logic, it’s impossible.”

“You have the worst memory out of everybody I know, but at the same time you know a crazy amount of useless stuff. Is it strange to assume you’ve forgotten how you learned a particular bit of information? Or to assume you’ve just got an unnaturally good sense of direction? It’s not impossible to reason through it, you’re just not willing to half the time.”

Defeat. Aaron’s posture suffers and he falls silent. A few moments pass before Meredith talks again, feeling kind of guilty. “I mean, sure. You’re especially lucky. How many times have you narrowly avoided serious injury or death or guessed a solution correctly without actually knowing the answer.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Is it really just luck, or coincidence?” His eyes light up again. Maybe Meredith is actually onto something. The brightness is brief, however.

“Have you ever considered that it’s, I don’t know, God?”

Thpppt. “No.” Aaron says incredulously.

“Why not?”

“Cmon. Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“Well yeah, that doesn’t mean He isn’t trying to reach out to you or anything.” Meredith shrugs and pushes the glasses up on her face. “Stranger things have happened.”

Aaron waves a hand dismissively. “I’m not a young French girl tasked with defeating the English or waging some kind of ridiculously holy war. If it were God trying to communicate with me he would do it in some fashion that I wouldn’t immediately dismiss. Being all omnipotent and all.”

“An atheist who supports strong logical fallacies.” Meredith is on the verge of laughter.

“Not an atheist.” Aaron is quick to correct. “Agnostic. It takes just as much blind faith to believe that despite everything we’ve observed in our short stay on this little blue rock that there isn’t some kind of never ending, all powerful source. Maybe the laws that govern existence is God.”

“The same laws that you claim are somehow flawed.”

“Yeah.” Aaron says, sounding satisfied.

Meredith stares at him for a moment, as though expecting more. “Well?”

“What?”

“You’re impossible.”

------
What? You expected more? I think my block is breaking. I was on fire, but then got distracted. GDI.

Twitter

2009-08-07T10:56:00.001-07:00

I squee when famous people either retweet me or respond to my tweets.

Yes. I am a little girl.

That is all.

The Matrix, Unplugged

2009-07-29T20:37:00.001-07:00

So the mmorpg The Matrix Online is going to be shut down after four years of running. To be honest the game wasn't that great in the first place, but I am still pretty sad to see it go. I played from the end stages of the friends and family alpha to the every end of beta. It was a different game before release. There wasn't as many people, obviously, and we were much closer to the development team and the live event staff. Some pretty cool stuff went down.

I got to meet privately with Morpheus before his ultimate demise. He told me that things were going to get worse before they got better. I attended his funeral as one of Zion's soldiers and even prevented the Merovingian from entering the church where the service was being held. In the very same plaza that the Burly Brawl between Neo and the Smiths took place, I dueled with Seraph so that he may get to know me. Then he took me into the hall with the doors to meet the Oracle. I fought alongside Niobe and had countless run-ins with the Matrix.

When the Beta shut down every live event member and developer ran around as Agents 'deleting' those still plugged into the Matrix. 'Mr. Forbes!' One yelled out to me after landing heavily from a hyper-jump. I momentarily forgot that my character, AcidicPlague, had a bluepill name and I gave him mine. 'We've been looking for you.'

I fought them off for what seemed like hours. I would kill one and then two more would show up. At one point when I started to run I had five agents chasing me. When they finally caught me one said, "It's time to sleep now, Mr. Forbes."

Before it all ended everyone who was still plugged into the Matrix had their RSI crumble up into non-existence before being booted out of the Matrix. And it's all happening again, just like before. I've spent the last few days jumping around, desparately wishing the game had done better. I love the Matrix. It's just something that I can really dig. A virtual world where computer hackers and neo-philosophers can jump over buildings, dodge bullets, and learn virtually anything with a simple upload to the brain? How can I not dig that?

Even now, with a mere two days before the servers shut down forever, I want the game to be good. I want it to be more than just some stupid grinder with a Matrix skin. There is so much potential in a Matrix game I can't even begin to understand why they've all sucked. It depresses me to no end that this is probably going to be the last Matrix game in a long time, if not forever.

Sad stuff. And I don't think I am going to be able to be around to see her off. A shame, a damn shame.

---

What is the Matrix?

It’s a question that gets asked more often than the system would like. For so many it’s the kind of question that keeps them up at night. I know I lost quite a bit of sleep over it. Though in reality I guess I was sleeping in the first place. Since it’s difficult to explain to someone what the Matrix is, most people have to be shown. Those people react in a variety of ways. Some slip into denial and then madness, some remain frozen in disbelief until acceptance overcomes them, some others still lose their lunch. But me?

All I could say was, “I knew it.”

Being told that everything I knew and loved was a lie, that my entire existence was the result of carefully calculated formulas didn’t phase me at all. Somewhere deep inside I knew all along that I was in a prison trying to break free. I knew all along that none of it was real. All I needed was a little encouragement to wake up. Even though the real world is nothing more than a pile of slag it’s better than living a lie. Anything is better than pretending.

So I became a soldier in Zion’s war against the machines. Trying to free the minds of those still trapped in the clutches of the Matrix. I saw some incredible things in my time, but nothing as incredible as some of the stuff that came to be after the truce. Instead of a prison it became a playground. I couldn’t believe it. Free minds began to work against everything Zion stood for, acting on behalf of the machines or the exiled programs pitted against us both.

And now It’s over. After all this time the war is going to end for real. The Matrix is going to be shut down and the human race is going to be free again. But will we really be free? I’m not even sure. We’ve suffered so much these past generations that I don’t know what to feel. I’ve been a soldier the whole of my life ever since I freed my mind. And ever since then I’ve been fighting the system, trying to beat the Matrix at its own game and now it’s over. What am I going to be after it’s all said and done? What use is there in the real world for somebody like me?

The Oracle told me that all things must come to an end, but I never imagined anything like this. Each and every day the stability of the Matrix crumbles. The illusion shimmers and in some instances shatters entirely. It’s like the code can’t make up its mind about the season, it’s on some sort of hyperloop. One day it’s winter and the next spring.

Even some of the simpler process are beginning to run haywire. The sky, how can you get the sky wrong. A dull grey with a bit of green undertones suddenly becomes vibrant and blue one moment with Sati’s prayer for Neo and then the next it’s stark red with hundreds upon thousands of eyes staring down below crying red snowflakes.

Is this it? Is the Matrix shutting down? After all these years, after all our fighting, is the big plug finally going to be pulled? I'm gonna miss it.

Where I want to be

2009-07-23T09:48:00.001-07:00

At this very moment, like no other moment in the entire history of moments, I desperately wish I were in San Diego. Even now I can feel the beautiful call in vain attempts to lure me like a siren lures a lovestruck sailor. It is my Mecca but 3139.96 miles separate me, a distance I can't afford to traverse. Could I be any further away from my true home? I suppose I could be on another continent.

Ever since I first learned of the San Diego comic-con I've wanted to go. Every single molecule and fiber in my body desires to go to this place saturated with people I want to meet, people who like and do the same things I like and do. Gamers, designers, artists, grown men and women who like me refuse to give in to this whole growing up business. Cartoons, comics and games can be adult things too. People are there that I've looked up to since as long as I can remember, hands that I want to do nothing more than shake. There are some people that I've already decided what I would say to them if I got the chance to meet them.

Guys like Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, writer and artist respectively of the webcomic Penny-Arcade. I first discovered these guys A mere few months after they first showed up on loonygames in 1998 and I've been a follower ever since. That's eleven years that I've grown up as an isolated gamer reading and taking interest in their opinions. Mike is a brilliant cartoonist and I look up to Jerry, I hope to appear one fourth as intelligent as that man. I almost had an opportunity to meet them in 2003 when they were scheduled to show up at Otakon in Baltimore but had last minute issues that prevented them from showing up at all. I was crushed, but I still got to meet quite a few cool people. I am twenty years old, twenty one in just a few months. I aim to make them feel old when I meet them.

I would say .. I've grown up with them. Though I've never got to game or speak with either of them directly, they're kindred that taught me not to feel embarrassed or ashamed for having the hobbies I do. I've laughed at their jokes and played mostly the same games they did. I was there when Mike proposed to his girlfriend. I was just as elated when Jerry convinced Mike to play D&D even though I'll never get to sit down for a game with them.

At least, I didn't think so until their WoTC Podcasts. I may not actually get to play, but sitting down and listening to them play is about as close to the real thing as I'll ever get. Not to mention they got to game with another guy I am a huge fan of - Wil Wheaton. Frankly I idolize these guys and they're living the life. One of these days I am going to make it to PAX if only to hang out with them for a moment and exchange intelligent quips with Jerry and get a funny sketch from Mike.

And they're just some of the people I want to meet. There are countless other writers, artists, actors and actresses that I just want to meet. Geeks like me, but with talent. Not to mention just regular old geeks. I've grown up predominantly in Virginia and I spend my summers in Maine, and I've never really had a geek friend who liked the same things I do. Don't get me wrong, I've got geek friends. There is a tradition that a handful of us go over to this dude's house and play risk until all hours in the morning. But nobody is into computers like I am. I don't have any friends who know how to build their own rigs. I certainly know knowledgeable people, but still. Nobody I've ever been able to LAN with, nobody I've ever been able to geek out with over Dungeons and Dragons. A common bond through video-games was good enough when I was younger but the vast majority of my friends have grown out of it.

Comics too. The only person I knew growing up who was as into comics as I was turned out to be someone I didn't really get along with. For my entire life my dad has been my geek friend and I his.

Once I figure out what I want to do with my life, I am going to live in California. I am going to go to San Diego on an annual basis and I will drive up to Seattle on an annual basis as well. These things are as essential to me as air and sustenance. Were it not for the internet I'm pretty sure I would've gone crazy a long time ago.

And for the love of god, SWTOR is going to be there. And DAO. You're a frigid bitch, fate.

Bioware owns my soul

2009-07-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me is familiar with my undying love for Canadian based Bioware. I've grown up with their games and they've become one of the few companies that I trust unconditionally when it comes to their products. Some other developers I might be hesitant and wait a while for reviews and opinions to float around. Not with them, never with them. It isn't some kind of blind fanboydom, but honestly earned confidence that has yet to be shaken. I still remember being a little kid and firing up Baldur's Gate, a game which is still amongst my favorites of all time.

I can still hear Kevin Michael Richardson's voice as Sarevok introducing me into the world of Faerun. The words of the Wise Alaundo are forever part of me, and I'll always be one of the Lord of Murder's mortal progeny. Something about that game gripped me deeply, and I know exactly what it is. I become so emotionally attached because of the moral choices inherent in the game. Even as a child I had a pretty strong grasp on reality and video games never made me question that, but for some reason I became invested when I knew that in some form my actions had consequences - unseen or anticipated. I had to make virtual life and death decisions, the kind of decisions that normal people never have to make through the whole of their natural lives. It was such a powerful experience that just never left me. Baldur's Gate II was even better, I can still play through that game and discover things I missed the last twelve play throughs. I can honestly say that those games are timeless, they stand up even to the present. Neverwinter Nights continued that tradition and I thoroughly enjoyed those games, but I must admit they scarcely shine a light to the brilliant radiance that is BG2. Yet they offered something entirely different that made them unique and brilliant in their own right.

The ability to create and forge my own modules, making stories and adventures for friends. That was the true magic of NWN and its successors. Writing up a short little adventure that exploded into a months long campaign as I guided the characters as the invisible hand of the DM, my friends writing their own stories into what I had created. It was a funny feeling to have created things like that, I'll never has as much fun as some of the times I had then. One of my most beloved characters was born out of a custom NWN module, Gaelwyn. A chaotic neutral wizard interested only in furthering his arcane art. Though even he in the end became a hero. Bioware didn't write it for us, but they allowed it to happen.

And consider how old those games are, and how much further their games have come. Knights of the Old Republic gripped me tightly and turned me on my ass with the reveal that the protagonist of the story was actually the Dark Lord of the Sith himself. The evidence had been there all the time, staring you in the face from the very first moments of the game. And yet the thought hadn't dawned upon me until the last few seconds before the reveal, as I sat on the edge of my seat crying out 'No, no no! It's not possible!' But it was. As the camera took in the view of Revan removing the mask. The rush of adrenaline and emotion was staggering, I hadn't expected it. That specific magic is gone now, but I can still play through the game. And when the reveal comes to bare I crack a little grin and a part of that feeling comes back. I recalled how much I didn't want it to be true. All of those emotions and feelings over something as simple as a video game.

Mass Effect brought something a little more unique to the moral dillemas. It wasn't so clear as good and evil. Instead you walked the line of political opinion, humans pitted against a galaxy that see them as a minor annoyance. Sure it's natural to play the role of the paragon, but who would not honestly become some kind of human supremacist when faced with a galaxy wrought with racism and intolerance towards your species. What is more important? The survival of galactic civilization or the dominant position of humans in the cosmos? Those aren't easy questions to answer, and the decisions often became sort of tough. And that is thrilling. It's just a game. I don't know how many times I can say that, how strongly I can stress it, but despite the fact that it's just a game the choices feel like they matter. Even if it is the 10th time I've played through, some deep part of me aches when I play the darker role. That is exhilarating on so many levels and it is magical that Bioware has been able to produce that feeling inside of me time and time again.

And the best part is that they're prepared to do it again, and again and again. Thus Bioware owns my soul. There are currently three games in development ((and a fourth unnamed next gen title)) that I've already resolved to purchase. No questions, come release day they will be mine. At the top of the list is Star Wars: The Old Republic.

It's no mystery that I adore Star Wars. Each and every one of the films, original trilogy and prequels have a special place in my heart. And as I own every Bioware game with the exception of their first title and the Sonic game, I own just about every PC Star Wars game ever. Its just something I enjoy quite a bit. Star Wars Galaxies was an important phase in my gaming career and I made a lot of important friends and connections then. People that I may not game with any more, but I try to keep as best contact as I can. So it is only natural that I hunger for SWTOR.

Yet part of me is conflicted. I've played MMOs since the advent of Ultima Online. Bioware has never done an MMO. But every other game they've ever made has been an incredible success. From the bits of information we've seen it looks to be every bit a Bioware game that it can be. But is it a WoW killer? Will it have what I desire in an MMO? I want to accrue wealth and power, play competitively against other players for a real tangible reward. I want to explore and find new things on a regular basis, things that have a significant effect on me. I've got these doubts, but it is still something I am going to support from the start. Even if it turns out to be a weak 'mmo,' it will still be a Bioware quality RPG. There can be no questioning the quality of their work, or how much they are willing to give to make a successful game. Just look at what they've invested for voice acting. Every line, every word will be spoken. The NPCs, companions, even the PLAYERS themselves. Incredible.

The story will also undoubtedly be incredible. I don't doubt that we'll get a glimpse into the unresolved issues we were left with at the end of KOTOR2, and Bioware being given such a vast expanse of unwritten territory to explore .. their newfound canon will be brilliant. I can't wait to be a part of it, even if only a distant observer. I've already written the character that I'll play. I'm ready for it. If you haven't seen the E3 cinematic, I highly recommend it. Immediately.

Next on the list is Dragon Age: Origin s. What can I say other than it is the great grand child to Baldur's Gate. They are going to take everything that made it great and improve on it even more. At heart I am a writer and I have a deep appreciation for well written and well told stories. We're going to get a metric-awesome tonne in Dragon Age. I don't follow it as closely as I do SWTOR, but that doesn't change how incredibly excited I am for it. There are no words that can describe how deeply I regret the fact that I cannot make it to San Diego for the convention to get a taste of their demo. I must admit that I am terribly disappointed that there won't be a multiplayer component like there was in NWN, but the module builder will still be pretty cool. I will still have the opportunity to forge my own tales and share them with my friends in the hopes that I'll make something as memorable as the core game.

I am expecting the same kind of choices and decisions that have a direct and drastic impact, something that'll make me feel for the characters. Make me suffer regret if I take an action that leads to negative developments for other characters. Thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

Last but not least is Mass Effect 2. When I saw the teaser trailer my heart skipped a beat. Dead? Shepard can't be dead! He is the hero of the alliance and the first human specter! Shepard is untouchable! The Mass Effect games are planned to be a trilogy and the second looks to improve on virtually every aspect of the first. And the first was damn near perfect in my opinion. This time we have a new villain that isn't the Geth, and from the looks of the trailers the Normandy takes a wicked beating. These are even more characters that I've become emotionally involved with. I don't want to see any of them die, but damn what a story it'd be. Actually, I am even more excited to see what new faces I'll meet. What new allies Shepard will make as he struggles once again to save the galaxy. I simply cannot wait.

So needless to say I am a little passionate, but there is no doubt that Bioware owns my soul. They've already convinced me that I am going to buy their next three games. ((Lets face it, even though I don't know anything about their next gen title, I am going to buy that too. I mean cmon, we've got to be real about this.) And yet they are going to tantalize me even more with teasers in the form of trailers, screenshots and other delicious content.

Bioware, I salute you. You're all incredible, from Edmonton to Austin to the ends of the earth.

EDIT:
Crap, how could I forget Jade Empire? Trained to have a key flaw from the very beginning! That was a twist I scarcely expected, though I kind of anticipated the master to be the villain.

Blogging and blah

2009-07-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

I want to blog again, but about what?

We've all seen what happens when I try to blog about my life and that always winds up supremely boring. About my interests, then? But that would probably turn out pretty boring too. In any event I've felt extraordinarily pent up and have felt the need to express myself through writing without having to resort to campy and poorly written fiction. Maybe I'll just keep a record of what I do write, or whatever pithy bits of art I create. Meanwhile interspersing what little bit of unfortunate angst I may be suffering at the moment. Plus when I blog they don't really tend to be planned out events, mostly me just rambling aimlessly in an attempt to put off doing something. At the moment it's sleep.

I mean I could very well write about my interests -- certainly. That would probably fill volumes of space. As a gamer I tend to be somewhat opinionated and overly critical with my reviews, so I suppose I do have a lot to say there. Twitter has become my link machine and how I've come to keep up with the zillions of games I've been following. But I guess 140 characters aren't really enough to express how I feel over a particular subject.

Lately I've been kind of absorbed with Lovecraftian lore and what not, as that tends to happen every now and again in cycles. So I've been trying to pen a little short story in the same vein drawing massive influence from the Call of C'thulhu. Ph'nglui mglw'nahf C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, yo. It's just real fun to explore the psychology of insanity, stringing words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs about things that don't make any sense.

In any event I need something to occupy my time, even if it's just for a short while. So Ill try another attempt at blogging, take a page out of some of my friends books and keep at it. Maybe I'll produce something worthwhile and valuable. Who knows? The more I think about it the more I like the idea. There are actually a shite ton of blogs that I follow off and on, and I always really enjoy them. Even the ones when I only check once or twice a month. I've decided to forgo sleeping tonight in a heroic effort to reboot my sleep cycle. Though Ive already failed miserably two times in the past two weeks. Tomorrow ought to be different though, because Ive got work in the morning. I say tomorrow but I really mean three hours from now. Something is terribly wrong with me.

So I suppose then I ought to brainstorm what I could write about. I don't want to burn myself out immediately so lets see. Twitter is something I have been thinking quite a bit about. I didn't really understand it at first, and to be terribly honest, I still don't really understand it. But at the same time its been a massive interesting experiment and I am somewhere between disinterested to addicted.

Ah yes, gaming as well. I am currently actively following a single game, but there are several more that are somewhere on my radar. That game is none other than Star Wars: The Old Republic. Being a massive Star Wars fan aside, I am also a major Bioware fanboy. I could talk for hours about how Ive idolized the founders Dr. Ray Muzyka and Dr. Greg Zeschuk. For the longest time I convinced myself that I wanted to be a writer for Bioware, that I would give up so much to be a faceless intern in the back of the writers room pitching ideas or writing for characters. I decided that I haven't got the chops a long time ago though, and besides, I am not a very consistent writer. But also on the MMO front I'm looking towards The Secret World, though things have been pretty quite in that realm.

I do more than just look forward to games, I do actually still game. Right now most of my time has been taken up by a game called Armed Assault, and I have just started playing with a community called ShackTactical. A few things I could probably write about how interesting that is, not to mention the other sixty some odd games I've got on steam. Hell, lets look at my profile right now. AP@Steam In the past two weeks I've put in 52.6 hours at the time of this posting with ArmA2, X-COM, and Fallout 3 stealing the top time investments. Things have been so slow and I've been so desperately bored that I have dropped an irresponsible number of money on games through steam. The whole instant gratification of buying something and then having the game twenty minutes later is magical to me.

And then I guess I could probably intersperse some personal stuff when I need to. Since I'm pretty much writing to myself at this point I cant imagine that it would hurt or worry me any. Maybe Ive got more to say than I previously thought.

EDIT:

Actually it seems my Steam stats are off. It currently says Ive played over 102 hours this week, with 51 of those hours in Pirates! I can assure you I haven't played the game for more than maybe an hour.